Monday, May 18, 2009

erm....given a task at MADE and GYM. i will alternate between the 2 and slowly transit over to MADE eventually. but GYM kids are so cute. thks to all of u for friendship over the years that i hardly notice and hardly i contribute to u guys ' cause due to personal busyness and emoing always. but let me know how i can be of help yar. will try to improve family relationship, takes time, many years maybe but will try. let see how. its a struggle tat no one understand. I am sure sp band has a cool FO camp, I also want to congrat Mr Joel Chua for his successful efforts. band is getting bigger and bigger and more ppl are beginning to come in. I dunnoe, but should I intereact with year 1s( some of whom i have already done so). i really hope to. but well, i am such a u know wad. ok , will try hard to be prim and proper. so far the intereactions with some of them has still been generally positive, when they do know me abit better, then i will gradually be more myself, not tat i will terrorise them and swallow them of course. I ought to have other main course and desserts in life, in achievements, in personal growth. but my own unique way of expression, weird as it may be, i dun think should also purposely surpress to create goody 2 shoe kind of boonsiong image. I think that will be fake cos i am myself. but I will achieve a balance and control certain things at certain times and be myself when it really is ok. LAOBAN!!!!!! school work is stress of cos, but will persevere.

posted at 12:46 PM

the life of a clarinetist

Saturday, May 16, 2009

i am back here! It has been so long so long. It has been a tiring and hectic week going through SMIT and PP and psycho project.....this is my final year in poly, finally. after so much and so much and so much, i have reached 3rd year in poly and i really cant afford to screw up things with project groups or even lecturers, especially the big black one. I have been really lonely and have been using all kinds of ways to find company, but i realised I am a loser in the end, only an irritant ......I know I am weird, I know I am a loser, and I know have not been conducting myself well to some people, but I treat everybody with genuie sincerity! No need to emphasise the lousy fact about me which I know far too well myself. look down on me....go ahead, come. some friendships may be a mistake in the first place. i will just try and conduct myself well, for the higher calling, and for my own dignity. LAOBAN IS BACK! the legendary MR LEONARD TAN. his mere presence around the region helped ease loneliness. thanks for appreaciating even someone like me! wonderful night I had, really enjoyed myself. hope MADE will work out, hope i will gradually fit in, and be a positive contribution.

posted at 10:00 AM

the life of a clarinetist

Sunday, May 18, 2008

target audience: people in general, but band people especially I have been having this burden in my heart recently and i havethe urge to say this. in my earlier entry about people problem, i spoke philosophically about the complexity of human nature. today, i am going to be very direct about the practical aspect of it. why are there people problem? 1)Insensitivity the chinese says" huo chong kou chu", and i think it cant be more true. sometimes we talk without thinking. we think that we are being humourous but we are just tearing the dignity of others down. we think we are just sharing knowledge with other people but we are just flaunting our superiority against another person's inadequacies. we think that we are just being honest and direct but we are being downright blunt and nasty. we think that we are building another person up but we are just putting people down. our words are just like razor sword cutting through the heart of other people, and we dont realise it, we dont know it, we choose not to know it. this is call insensitivity. 2)oversensitivity while we can be so careless about what we say to others, we are very conscious about what others say to us or about us. we know that we ourselves can be so insensitive to others, but yet we demand absolute correctness in the things people say about us. we stereotype ppl and make a mountain out of a mole when ppl we dun like say certain things. we always suspect tat ppl are against us, talking bad about us and are out to make life difficult for us. we torture oursleves and other people by suspecting this and tat, assuming this and tat. when we can use our brain to do something useful we dont use it. when it comes to negative encounter we choose to think so much when there really isnt much to think. we fantasize, imagine and create problems tat are not a problem in the first place. why are we so work up? 3)poor control of temperament we live in a frustrating world and we Go through all kinds of frustration. this lfe is a frustrating life to live, but how should we deal wth frustration? we may not be the kind that throw temper in the violent way every time we are frustrated, but arent we not guilty of letting our temperament unleash itself on others? when we are frustrated we are impatient with people when we should be, we give attitude to people who HAve nothing to do with our frustration, and we unleash our emo at the most inappropriate time, and we hurt others. in our attempt to make others understand our frustration, WE FORCE THEM INTO OUR SHOE AND MAKE THEIR DAY SUCKS just like ours. 4)Gossip gossip is the act of passing on information when u are neither part of the problem nor the solution. but tats a human tendency isnt it? before we just treat it as just something natural and instinctive, or an integral part of human nature, we should think about the effects of it. the best way to see this is to think of yourself as the object of gossip.

posted at 11:04 AM

the life of a clarinetist

Sunday, April 13, 2008

i think wisdom is a very important. it is much more important than intelligence. in our society, we have no lack of intelligence and competence, there are lots of people year in year out that can get ery good grades for maths and sciences, whether at the secondary school and tetiary level, and lots of successful business people make big bucks every year with the good market strategy. But why ,despite all the success people are able to achieve with their intellectual rescource, many people are still not Happy and the sense of emptiness ultimately set in even when all that could HAve been accomplished are done? i believe this is due to a simple fact that the human soul is designed to desire for good relationship with those around us as well as to relate with our own kind well and engage in meaningful reltionship. this is where wisdom comes in. without wisdom , we will have 2 problems with people. 1)constant conflict this is bound to happen when we do not know how to think from other people perspective and put ourselves in other people shoes. this happens when we are shortsighted and only see our short-term goals and fail to realise that good relationship with others ultimately reap long term benefit. It also happens due to our foolish behaviours when we behave badly towards other people in naiveness and insensitvity. 2) lack of in depth relationship i believe the root of all good relationship is really wisdom. i believe relationship is ultimately about us putting ourselves in putting shoe, seeing from other people perspective and expressing ourselves well in the way we relate with people. all these need wisdom.

posted at 9:24 AM

the life of a clarinetist

; elijah
; MUST SEE!!!